The Truth About Motivation: Why It’s Bogus and How to Move Forward Without It
Motivation. It’s the one thing we’re constantly chasing but can never seem to hold on to. We’ve all been there—waiting for that burst of energy to start exercising, eat healthier, or finally get that project done. The truth? Motivation is fleeting, unreliable, and, frankly, relying on it to achieve your goals is a losing strategy. If you’ve been waiting for the day when you finally feel like making a change, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment.
The problem is that we’ve been taught to believe that motivation comes first and action follows. But that’s not how it works. In fact, action creates motivation, not the other way around. So if you’re struggling with a lack of motivation, the key isn’t waiting for inspiration to strike—it’s learning how to move forward anyway, even when you don’t feel like it.
Why Change is Hard: The Science Behind Resistance
To understand why motivation alone won’t get you where you want to go, let’s take a look at how our brains are wired. The brain’s primary function is survival, which means it prioritizes comfort, safety, and predictability. This is where the motivational triad comes into play. Your brain is constantly working to:
Seek pleasure (immediate gratification).
Avoid pain (discomfort).
Conserve energy (stick to familiar routines).
While these instincts kept our ancestors alive, they don’t exactly serve us in today’s world. Your brain isn’t designed to help you achieve your goals; it’s designed to keep you comfortable. So, when you don’t feel motivated to hit the gym or finish that project, it’s because your brain is telling you, Let’s just chill and avoid discomfort.
This leads to a critical truth: Motivation is fleeting because it depends on feelings, and feelings are unreliable.
Many of us let our feelings rule our actions. We say things like, “I don’t feel like it,” or “I’ll wait until I’m motivated.” But here’s the thing: if you let your feelings dictate your behavior, you’ll stay stuck. Feelings like laziness, fear, or overwhelm are natural, but if you wait for those feelings to go away, you’re giving them too much control over your life.
The consequences of living this way? Missed opportunities, unmet goals, and a lack of fulfillment. In short, relying on motivation (a feeling) is a recipe for stagnation.
When you set out to make a change—whether it’s starting a new workout routine, eating healthier, or working on your personal goals—you’re asking your brain to do something unfamiliar. It doesn’t want to change, because change is uncomfortable and requires effort.
This resistance shows up as procrastination, self-doubt, excuses, or simply not “feeling” like doing the thing you know you should do. But here’s the thing: your brain isn’t trying to sabotage you, it’s just trying to protect you from the discomfort of the unfamiliar. And it’s important to recognize that this is normal. Your brain’s primitive programming hasn’t caught up to modern day challenges. To continue to grow and succeed, we have to go against our wiring. That is to seek long term gratification over short term pleasure, lean into discomfort, emotional or physical, and expend energy to create new, default habits.
How to Combat Resistance: Gentle but Consistent
There’s research that suggests 80% of people give into old habits around Day 19 of starting a new routine. Why? Because that’s when your brain starts to push back the hardest. You’ve already put in some effort, and the discomfort of change starts to set in. Your brain says, This is too hard. Let’s just go back to what’s comfortable. When this happens, expect the resistance and have a plan in place. Remind yourself that this is part of the process. Your brain is throwing its toddler tantrum, but that doesn’t mean you have to give in. You can acknowledge the discomfort, thank your brain for trying to keep you safe, and then keep moving forward anyway.
Think of your brain like that toddler in the candy aisle. It sees the candy (comfort), and when you say “no” (try to implement a new habit), it throws a fit. But just like with a toddler, you can’t give in to the tantrum. Instead, you have to be gentle, yet consistent in setting boundaries.
When your brain tells you to quit, you can calmly acknowledge the resistance: Yes, I know you’re used to sitting on the couch after work, and change is hard. But we’re not going to die. Everything is okay.
By being compassionate and firm with yourself, your brain will eventually learn that resistance is not a reason to stop. Over time, the toddler in your brain will stop asking for the candy, and you’ll find that taking action becomes easier and more automatic. Bottom line: Expect resistance. Expect to want to quit. This is the time to double down.
What to do when your brain tries to quit:
Acknowledge: Recognize the discomfort and resistance. Say to yourself, Yes, this is hard, but we can do hard things.
Refocus on action: Return to your smallest next step. Remember, you don’t have to climb the whole mountain today. Just take the next step.
Practice self-compassion: Give your brain grace. I know you want to quit, and I get it. But we’re going to keep going because we’re capable of change.
Contrary to popular belief, it takes closer to 66 days to truly transform a new behavior into an automatic habit. What makes a habit stick depends on how much you practice it, so focus on repetitions and recency.
Motiv-Action: Steps For Success
The biggest lie we tell ourselves is that we need to feel motivated to take action. In reality, it’s action that creates motivation. The more you do, the more motivated you become to keep going. That’s why the first step is the most important—it breaks the cycle of inaction and inertia.
Here’s how to start priming your brain to take action, even when you don’t feel like it:
Visualization:
Imagine yourself succeeding. Visualization rewires your brain by making the action feel more familiar and attainable. Picture yourself completing your task, focusing on how good you’ll feel afterward.
Intention Setting:
Set a clear intention each day. Be specific about what you want to accomplish. Instead of saying, I want to eat healthier, say, I will prepare a nutritious lunch and drink water instead of soda today. Your brain responds to clarity and consistency.
Environment Setup:
Make it easy to take action by setting up your environment for success. If you want to start exercising, lay out your workout clothes the night before. If you’re trying to drink more water, keep a water bottle on your desk. When the action is obvious and accessible, you’re less likely to resist it.
Take the Smallest Step:
Lower the barrier to entry. If the goal feels too big, break it down into tiny steps. If you’re trying to build a meditation practice, start with just one minute. If you’re trying to write, start with one sentence. Taking the smallest step creates momentum, which builds into motivation.
Asking Better Questions for Better Answers
If your inner dialogue is filled with questions like, Why am I always unmotivated? or Why can’t I do this?, you’re setting yourself up for failure. The brain loves answering questions, so ask it better questions.
Better question: What’s one thing I can do today to move closer to my goal? Or How can I make this easier on myself?
Why it matters: Better questions lead to better actions. When you shift your focus from self-defeat to solutions, you’re more likely to make progress.
Emotional Regulation: Acting Despite Feelings
Remember, feelings are fickle, but you don’t have to let them control your actions. Emotional regulation is the ability to navigate feelings without letting them derail you.
Tip: When you feel resistance, take a pause and practice deep breathing to activate your parasympathetic nervous system. Ask yourself: What’s the smallest action I can take right now?
Why it matters: Regulating your emotions creates space between feeling and action. This allows you to choose a response, rather than reacting based on feelings alone.
Give Your Brain Grace: The Key to Lasting Change
Finally, give yourself grace. Your brain is wired to resist change. That doesn’t make you weak, lazy, or unmotivated—it makes you human. By treating your brain with kindness and patience, you allow yourself to work through the discomfort without getting stuck in self-criticism.
When your brain says, Let’s just give up, you can calmly respond, I know this feels hard right now, but we’re safe. Change is uncomfortable, but it’s not dangerous. We can do this.
When you combine action, compassion, and consistency, you rewire your brain to embrace change. Over time, your new habits will become just as automatic as your old ones once were. And instead of relying on motivation, you’ll have built the discipline and resilience you need to keep moving forward, no matter how you feel.
Behavior Change Tips to Keep You Moving Forward
Step 1: Define Your Why
Before you do anything, get crystal clear on why you want it. Motivation may disappear, but a strong “why” will keep you grounded when things get tough. Ask yourself: What’s at stake if I don’t take action? How will my life improve if I do?
Why do I want this, and what will my life look like if I don’t follow through?
Why it matters: Your "why" serves as an internal compass. When you connect to the deeper reasons for your goals, you can power through even when your motivation evaporates.
Step 2: Create an Environment That Makes Action Easy
Your environment plays a massive role in your behavior. If you want to build a new habit, make it easy and visible. Make the action you want to take hard to ignore.
Examples:
Want to start working out? Lay out your gym clothes the night before.
Want to drink more water? Place a water bottle on your desk so it’s always in sight.
Trying to cut back on junk food? Remove it from your home entirely, and replace it with healthier alternatives.
Why it matters: When your environment is aligned with your goals, you won’t have to rely on willpower (which is also fleeting, by the way). You make the desired behavior the default choice.
Step 3: Build Tiny Habits
Big goals are overwhelming, and they make it easier to put things off. Instead of waiting for motivation to tackle something huge, start with tiny, manageable steps with habit stacking by pairing a new habit with something you already do every day. For example, if you’re trying to meditate, do it right after brushing your teeth.
If your goal is to read more, start by committing to reading one page a day after your brush your teeth every morning. Want to get in shape? Start with just 5 minutes of exercise after to close your computer or return home from work. The goal is to build momentum, and once that happens, you’ll naturally want to do more.
Why it matters: Tiny habits build confidence. Every time you follow through, you reinforce the belief that you can take action, no matter how small.
Keep a habit tracker or journal to log your actions. Seeing your progress on paper is motivating in itself and keeps you accountable. Every action counts. Celebrate when you follow through, no matter how small the win. This reinforces the behavior and makes you want to continue.
Motivation is Bogus, But Action Isn’t
Motivation will always come and go, but that doesn’t mean your goals have to. When you stop waiting for a spark of motivation and focus on action, you gain control over your life. The truth is, feelings are fleeting, but consistent action—no matter how small—leads to long-term success. Remember: You don’t need motivation to succeed. What you need is a plan, a "why," and a willingness to act—even when you don’t feel like it.
